Current mood:	listless
Current music:	Moog Island by Moorcheeba

i just realized something. pretty much anytime something happens to make adam and i end i will be brokenhearted. i'm completely positive i will never directly do anything to sabotage the relationship. I'm scared. he says he'd never hurt me, but sometimes things happen. sometimes things are realized and nobody can stop them. i'm right smack dab in the uncertain stage. i've never let myself get through it. usually i freak out and don't care enough to try to get through it. this time it's not uncertainty about whether or not i want to be with someone it's about whether or not i'm ready to let myself be vulnerable. I want to so badly but I'm so scared. sometimes things just happen and there's nothing i can do about them. i know. i've seen it happen. and i've experienced it in a different types of relationships. i'm so tired but i refuse to go to bed until i can talk to adam. i need to hear him. when i'm like this all i want to do is be near him and feel him holding me. dear lord, it's like heaven. i've never wanted something more than to be with him soon. i can't wait. i have no patience.