Can you feel the rythm? [06 Sep 2006|07:47am] [ mood | contemplative ] Suddenly I have no idea how to spell rythm. I think that's totally wrong. WTF!!!!!! Haha. Well, in fourty minutes I'll be off to do my weeding for the day and get paid. I'll have made over 100 bucks this week on a couple of hours doing random gardening and cleaning. Good shite, considering I need all the extra money I can get for the apartment considering Sears has been ignoring me. I seriously give up on that company. I think I just need to find another place to work. I just really hate getting into an apartment not having a steady job yet. But it needs to be done. And I need to have a job by the end of the week because I think next week I'll be moving into my new apartment. I now live in Bradenton, Florida. I know I was all gung-ho about moving to Kansas but fate drew me elsewhere, then made me regret moving to the wrong coast, but that's okay. Mystery man of january 4th post popped up again. I suppose I should explain him. T-Bag, as I will refer to him, is my future husband. Now, now, don't go getting all freak-outish on me I AM NOT ENGAGED. I repeat I AM NOT ENGAGED. And won't be for another year or so. But I know things. And I know this about him and I. I mean why else would we not talk for 7 months then suddenly get so close again? I mean, it's closer than we were before. Before he wasn't willing to let me in for some reason. I guess there were some distractions, namely some chick named Nicole. Haha. I remember all these chicks T-Bag talked about last time and now he seems rather engrossed in his work and I think he's got a new view on womens. As he put it, 'I'm pretty picky when it comes down to my womens'. I guess I made the grade. Just barely, methinks. Lately I've been behaving rather badly. I'm not sure about me being clingy towards him, but I certainly have been. Like I told him (but he didn't want to hear it because he was having a bad day), getting ignored for 48 hours equals me thinking he's going off and fucking random girls and shit and all-around replacing me and then all my little insecurities (well, all two of the biggies) just have to come up. I can't help but be afraid I'm going to get abandoned because I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough for guys like him. I rarely end up with the good-looking, charming ones. He's insisted he adores me but obviously he doesn't feel the need to spend much time with me on the weekends when he's got his RL friends to entertain. I guess I should just understand that, I might be the same. Maybe. But guys do things differently. I just wish he had like said something to make me not so worried. Even though I guess I told him how much I trust him and so quickly. Maybe I was wrong...maybe I don't trust him as much as I thought. I don't know sometimes at all. I just wish that I could get whisked off to Sacramento and get to know him and we could do things properly. He's not much of a talker on the phone, but at least he doesn't mind my blabbering. I don't know. After my little outburts yesterday, I can almost feel the pain it will be when he withdraws. As I'm sure he will. 2 comments|post comment

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